Retro Chronicles: Alicia and the Greek fishing boat.

An honest chronicle cannot have just the tales of heroism, triumph, awe and curiosities. They must also include the other, ubiquitous travel archetype: the tale of drunken shenanigans that might land you in a Turkish prison. For the sake of the Chronicles’ integrity, here is the story of Alicia G. and the Greek fishing boat.

The evening began like any other midsummer’s evening in Pythagoras, a small town on the island of Samos in the Dodecanese, Greece. It began with pre-dinner cocktails. Pre-dinner cocktails led to wine with dinner, which led to cocktails after dinner and then to shots. Alicia G. and her merry cohorts were enjoying the hot, dark night in an outdoor bar along the town’s marina just feet from the water. Opposite to them were boats of every kind moored up, side by side.

Late into the evening, Alicia’s dear friend, Liz F., handed Alicia a shot and said, “I bet you $2 that you won’t jump onto that fishing boat and bring me back the net.” She pointed to a small vessel a few feet away. Alicia G. carefully considered this proposal. Her pride had suffered enormously over the past year because Liz routinely proffered $2 bets that Alicia would not perform various feats of jackassery; Alicia always declined, causing Liz to regularly mock and taunt Alicia for lacking balls. On this occasion, however, enough liquid courage had been consumed for Alicia to surprise Liz. “OK,” she said, and marched immediately over to the boat.

Alicia G. gauged the distance between the small boat and the concrete quay to which it was tied. It appeared to be approximately two feet, with the boat rocking gently. Knowing that she was drunk and wearing high-heeled shoes, she endeavored to pull the boat closer using the mooring line. She tugged with all her weight and succeeded in bringing the boat slightly closer. However, as soon as she let go of the line, the boat drifted back out. She stood up again and wondered whether she should jump. Visions of falling into the water and cracking her head on the concrete danced in her brain. She stood up and shrugged at Liz, thinking that perhaps she would give up. But instead, in a sudden rush of bravery, she took a step back and made a flying leap into the boat.

Landing safely, relief flooded Alicia. She stood up and looked at her group of cohorts at the bar, who were all now watching intently. She leaned over and began gathering the fishing net, which turned out to be massive. Dropping the net and preparing to disembark, she shouted at Liz, “It’s too big.” Her words were barely out of her mouth when she saw a man sprint out of the darkness towards her and spring onto the boat. Stunned and nervous, Alicia put her hands up in a defensive gesture, gasping, “it was just a joke.”

The man, who was speaking Greek to her, used the opportunity to grab both her wrists with one hand and the mooring line with the other. He started to undo the mooring line with quick movements. He shouted in Greek down the quay. Convinced she was about to get arrested and tossed into a Greek prison, and realizing that she was caught in his strong grip and that escape was unlikely, Alicia tried to explain. “I wasn’t going to do anything. I was just kidding.” The Greek man laughed at her and continued shouting down the quay and pulling up the mooring lines.

Feeling helpless, Alicia was relieved when a dashing English sea captain emerged from the darkness and stood on the quay before her. Simon D. held his hand out to her. The Greek man let her hands go, still laughing. Alicia gratefully grabbed onto Simon and stepped out of the boat. It became apparent to her then that the Greek man never intended to apprehend her, but was enjoying the joke, too. She began to laugh sheepishly.

As she stepped off the boat, the crowd across the sidewalk erupted into applause. “You are bad ass,” Liz praised, running up to her. “That was awesome.” But she never paid Alicia her $2.

Epilogue: Some days later, Alicia G. learned that there was some debate amongst the bystanders about whether Alicia’s breast had come out of her top when she was grabbed by the Greek fisherman. Alicia has remained silent on this topic, until today, but would like to end the speculation. While Alicia was wearing a dangerously low-cut top (it was hot in Greece), her breast did not make an appearance. It did come amazingly close, but stayed in by about a centimeter. Photographic evidence shows that Alicia remained fully clothed, if barely. Similarly, direct-witness Simon D., who stood only a couple feet from her, confirms that there was no inadvertent flashing.